The Blaſphemous Bicycler

I found this book on the bargain table at the bookstore just after Halloween. The gimmick is that it’s a self-help book which will teach you how to be a total bad-ass just like a zombie.

As most of you already know, zombies posses many enviable qualities:

• Zombies know what they want (brains)
• Zombies are not racist (will eat black brains as readily as white)
• Zombies are above bribery (will eat rich and poor brains)
• Zombies are relentless, will endure gunshots and keep on coming for your brains
• Zombies do not succumb to in-fighting with other zombies
• etc…

Anyhow, the book presents several exercises you can undertake to become more zombie-like, with the idea that someday, if you are lucky enough, you will be “reborn” as a zombie in the next life.

I’m pretty sure the book is meant to be funny, but some of the arguments are so well made, that you might actually mistake it for a real self-help book.

It’s pretty funny, and since some of the self-help advise isn’t half-bad, I give The Zen of Zombie 3 Jihadis out of 5.

I stopped eating meat 6 months ago. I thought it was going to be all hard like quitting smoking, but it wasn’t.

It’s actually no big deal.

When people find out I’m vegetarian they say weird stuff like “but you still eat fish though, right?”

And then I say something like “No, fish are not vegetables.”

And then they look at me as if I’m the weirdo.

People are strange.

After hiking the Pinchot Trail Saturday, I spent the very next day on the Tuscarora Trail with Sophie the Wonder Dog, and her Human concierge.

We hiked about 9 miles through icy wind and snow squalls, then we passed a hunting cabin where some classy fellows decorated the trees with women’s undergarments.

25 miles down, 773 to go!

Saturday, Apertome and I hiked the north loop of the Pinchot Trail.

We had some wet weather to contend with, which afforded me the opportunity to try out my new poncho.

We had pretty miserable conditions, but the poncho kept me dry, except for my legs, which got thoroughly soaked in an outright downpour near the end of the hike.

I foolishly packed my camera down in the bottom of my pack, so I didn’t get any pictures, but Apertome did.

I’m particularly pleased with the smart fashion statement the poncho makes in the woods. Very “Odhinnic-Wanderer chic,” with just a hint of un-dead superhero.

Fashion aside, it was a very nice hike despite the weather. It put me 10 miles closer to the State Forest Hiking Award. 14 miles down, 784 to go!

Apertome has posted a nice write up of the day on his blog. I don’t think there’s much I could add to his account.

Look what arrived in the mail today. According to the customs declaration, it’s a key-chain from Hong Kong.

It wasn’t a key-chain at all, it’s a Trockenbrenstoff-Kocher!!

The kitchen scale says it weighs 3/8 of an ounce. That rocks!

The old-school esbit “trench heater” type stove weighs 3-1/8 ounces.

“Big Deal,” you say, “that’s only saving you 2.75 ounces!”

Well, that means I can bring along a whole extra pack of Ramen Noodles, smartass!