The Blasphemous Bicycler

There are 5 people in my department at work. One of the guys in my department has started bike commuting a few days a week. If we can convince one more person to ride, the majority of us will be bike commuters.

Then I would no longer be a weirdo, and I would have to start riding to work on a unicycle to maintain my street cred.

Today: 10 miles
April: 57 miles
2008: 149 miles

Today, we consider the Electra Amsterdam Classic 3.

What’s Good

• Totally enclosed drive train – One need never worry about greasy breeches, and the need for tiresome maintenance is greatly reduced
• Includes rack, fenders, and dynamo lights – The well-appointed Amsterdam Classic comes complete with nearly all the accessories a commuter could desire.
• Style – These are the sorts of bicycles found between the legs of the most fashionable ladies in Denmark. What more enviable position could one aspire to?
• 700×40 tires – Neither pothole nor cobblestone street will jar your bones with plump tires such as these

What’s bad

• Geometry – The layout of the Amsterdam’s frame is optimised for comfort and dignified cycling, not for maximum speed or efficiency.

Although the Amsterdam comes with a rack, you would not go far wrong to put a basket on the handlebars to transport your lunch and sundries to your place of employment. Electra offers several, the least expensive being $25

For a bike like the Amsterdam, a rain cape is a good option for protection from the elements. It’s not unlike a tent that keeps the rain off of you from above and is open for ample ventilation from beneath.

A nice yellow cape can be had for $46 from J&G Cyclewear. I have had dealings with J&G in the past, and have found them to be most honorable people with products that are excellent in every imaginable way.

Brain injuries are only humorous when they happen to some other fellow.

For $50, the Bell Citi helmet may assist your skull in the containment of brains, lest they spill across the pavement; a most untidy state of affairs in the best of circumstances.

One never can be sure where brigands and thieves may lurk in the shadows, and it would, therefore, be best to secure your bicycle to a sturdy object with a lock.

The entry level Kryptionite U-lock can be had for a mere $18.

It bears mentioning that Kryptonite locks are not actually manufactured from real Kryptonite, and any efforts to use one to subdue Superman will likely end in failure.

Right, so, let’s tally up the figures.

Bike $550
Basket $25
Rain Cape $46
Helmet $50
Lock $18

Total: $689

A touch more expensive than yesterday’s example, but the extra money is well spent for the dynamo-powered lights and the style and panache the Amsterdam has to offer.

Electra bicycles can be purchased at your local Electra dealership.

Update: More discussion of the Electra Amsterdam can be found on the Bikes for the Rest of Us blog.

My boss recently got his own office, and nobody is using his old cubicle, so now my bike has it’s own cubicle.

It was a nice day outside today. I snapped this picture of Harrisburg on my ride home.

Today: 10 miles
April: 47 miles
2008: 139 miles

In all likelihood, your local bicycle shop peddles the wares of only a small number of brands of bicycle. We shall, therefore, consider the wares of each brand separately whenever possible.

Starting off then, we’ll have a look at the offerings of Trek Bicycle Corporation

The Trek 7000 seems to be a perfectly good bicycle for commuting.

What’s Good?

• It has 700×35 tires, which are skinny enough for speed, but not so skinny as to run the risk of pinch flats; even when carrying a heavy load
• It has a very wide range of gears, to assist in climbing over hills without undue exertion or unseemly perspiration.
• It has a chain guard to help keep filthy chain grease off the leg of your breeches.

What’s Not Good

• Upright riding position – While this will not be a hinderance for short rides, on longer excursions, it may cause some posterior discomfort.
• Lack of equipment – This bicycle lacks the basic necessities for commuting; Lights, racks, and fenders.

Not to worry, Trek offers a whole array of add-ons accessories that make the 7000 a more than capable commuter.
Unfortunately, the addition of these items more than doubles the cost of the bicycle.

Trek 7000 Bicycle – $310
Trek bike mounted rear rack $20.
Trek Basic Bicycle Panniers $65
Trek “Bontrager approved” fenders $40
Trek “Vapor” helmet $50
Trek Commuter Rain Jacket $90
Trek Dreadlocks cable lock $25
Trek Trek Ion 3 Headlight & Flare 7 Taillight Combo $38

Total: $638

This is slightly more than our $600 governmental stipend, but with gasoline selling for $4 per gallon, the diligent rider will have recouped the excess expenditure in his first month of commuting.

“Where can I get one?!” you say? A fellow can scarce swing a dead wombat without hitting an authorized Trek dealer. If, however, wombats are not indigenous to your particular locale, the good people at Trek Bicycle Corporation can point you in the right direction.

Ladies and Gentlemen, in case it has escaped your notice, I would like to bring to your attention the fact that the entire world is rapidly descending into Hell.

Witness the following factors:

1. The exorbitant price of gasoline
2. Global warming related crop failures
3. Governmental issuance of the sum of $600 to each citizen, in an effort to forestall imminent economic doom.

It is my well reasoned and impeccably logical position that the only way 600 dollars is going to solve any of these problems is if it is spent in kitting oneself out as a bicycle commuter.

Failure to do so will bring about a global cataclysm ultimately resulting in the complete, utter, and total annihilation of human civilization.

Over the next few days, I will produce well-researched options for the average citizen to invest his $600 in a manner such as to avoid disaster on a planetary scale.

The well-appointed, all-season bicycle commuter requires the following accouterments:

1. A bicycle
2. Fenders to keep wet roads from sullying one’s business attire
3. A method of transporting cargo (lunch, laptop, etc) to/from work
4. Clothing for protection from rain and cold
5. Illumination, for navigation in the dark
6. Miscellanea; Helmets, patch kits, etc.

We shall examine several options in each of these categories, whilst staying within a budget not to exceed $600.

Global calamity can be postponed, perhaps indefinitely, with the rigorous and regular application of the bicycle commuting wisdom I am about to impart.

Let us begin.