The Blasphemous Bicycler

“I am the Susquehanna, thine river. Thou shalt not paddle strange rivers before me.”Thus spake the Susquehanna. But Bonius did not heed her commandment, and indeed he did paddle a kayak upon the Wisconsin river not a week prior.

_{Our Heros Depart}

Engorged she was, and filled with wrath from a full day’s rain, when Bonius and Klinutus arrived upon her shores. Our heros did boldly place thier kayaks upon her and set forth upon thier journey. Into the fog and rain, they set out in search of adventures, sea-monsters, and big-tittie mermaids.

_{Long-abandoned Masonry}

They came upon the ruins of a great civilization, and found a magical land inhabited by glowing white ducks. These were the guardians of the mysteries of the White Deer Hole Creek.

The ducks did quack a strange incantation, which sapped Bonius of all his strength, whereupon he drifted downstream, into the main channel.

_{Magical Land}

_{Guardian Ducks}

In the fullness of time, came our heros upon the mouth of the White Deer Creek, where the water was swirling and burbling. Bonius turned his kayak into the current and strove to paddle up the creek. The river did spin Bonius around backwards and did speak softly “This is not the way, my child. Turn thee around and paddle the gentler waters in the main channel.”

“I am a great and terrible kayaker” Bonius boasted, “I do not fear thine foolish class I rapids! Bonius called upon Lord Odin, who filled Bonius with the rage of Berserkergang. Bonius didst paddle with a great ferocity upon the snarly rapids.

Lo, but the river did make use of her deep and mysterious magic, and did invert The Order of Things. Whereas Bonius sat at first upon the kayak and the kayak upon the water, now sat the kayak upon Bonius and the water upon them both.

This sucked greatly. Wet and very cold was the water, cold and very wet was Bonius.

_{Berserkergang!}

Thereby was the reckless pride of Bonius greatly reduced. Bonius paddled meekly for the remainder of the day and did not tempt the wrath of the mighty Susquehanna further.

_{Bone’s Boat}

No, you may not drill for oil in ANWR. No, a $100.00 bribe will not change my mind.May I suggest that you give every American a Stokemonkey instead. That would actually help prepare them for what’s coming.

Oh, yeah. Senator Santorum LOVES THE COCK!!!!111one111!!!!

I’m back from Wisconsin. I was there to do an Active Directory design, and there is a possibility that I may have the opportunity to go back to help out with the implementation, which would be nice, because I kind of liked it there.I was working with the company’s network dude, and we got to shooting the shit, and I mentioned that I had just bought a kayak. Turns out, this dude is a hardcore kayaking freak, and invited me to join him for a quick paddle after work on the Wisconsin River. I further learned that this guy’s director (boss’s boss) likes to paddle, too. So, we all headed out together and paddled around on the river.

_{Getting ready to launch}

I was really digging things and thinking that this might be a nice place to settle down…. then they started talking about how not long ago, people were driving their pickup trucks across the lake ice to get to their ice-fishing shacks… I think that’s a little too cold for me.

_{Wisconsin looks an awful lot like Pennsylvania}

I spent the day touring the inner workings of a highly automated ecommerce fulfillment system. A gigantic warehouse staffed almost entirely by robots.

Holy shit, I live in the future.

Then, someone saw fit to put a brewpub in the parking lot of my hotel. The following comes to mind after a few too many doppelbocks:

Different states of consciousness from the normal are regarded as a form of sickness. And therefore official and institutional psychiatry constitutes itself the guardian of sanity and of socially approved experience of reality

–Alan Watts

I reject your reality and substiute my own!

– Adam Savage

Do not Take Intoxicants

–5th precept of Buddhism

Ooops…

Been a bit busy this week. Yesterday, I purchased a lovely Kayak for less than half of retail price (huzzah!), so I’m very keen to get into the water when I get back from Wisconsin.This means that my fancy-pants road bike is offically for sale again. I mean it this time, I need to raise funds to buy a roof rack, paddles, and other kayaking accouterments.)

$750 or best offer. When I get back from Wisconsin, I’ll post pictures etc.

It’s a 61cm (the biggest size they make) and it’s a triple. It’s exactly like the official Lemond Web Site says, except I have SPD pedals on it, and I’m throwing in a Cateye Astrale 8 computer. No, you don’t get my Brooks or my Carradice.

It’s only got about 500 miles on it, and most of those were on the trainer, indoors. It’s a really nice bike, goes fast, etc, but I already have two other bikes, and this one ends up not getting ridden, so it has to go.